Stop Dating Your Trauma: How to Rewrite the Scripts in Your Business and Your Heart
Valentine’s Day is a season of high expectations. But whether we are looking at a romantic partner, a co-founder, or a family member, we aren't usually reacting to the person in front of us.
We are reacting to a script.
In my recent appearance on the Produck Podcast with Lee Jean, we dove deep into the psychology of "Inner Scripts"—those subconscious narratives that drive our behavior. While we discussed them through the lens of entrepreneurial success, these scripts don't check themselves at the office door. They follow us home.
If you want to move from "grind culture" to Sustainable Leadership in every area of your life, you have to look at the three scripts that might be leaking your energy this February.
1. The "Revenge Success" Script
On the podcast, I talked about how many high-performers are driven by a need to prove someone wrong—an old boss, a parent, or a critic.
In Business: You overwork to prove you're "competent," but you end up micromanaging your team because you can't trust them with your reputation.
In Relationships: You choose partners or friends who "look good on paper" to satisfy an old script of status, rather than seeking genuine emotional safety.
The Script Flip: Ask yourself, "If I had nothing to prove to my past, how would I lead my team (or love my partner) today?"
2. The "Hyper-Responsibility" Script
Esther Perel talks about the parallels between professional and romantic relationships.
I defined leadership to Lee as a mix of responsibility and empowerment. However, many of us fall into the trap of "caretaking" instead of empowering.
In the Office: You stay up until 3:00 AM doing work your team should have handled because you don't want to "burden" them. That isn't leadership; it's a recipe for the functional burnout we discussed in the episode.
At Home: You take on the emotional labor for everyone in the family, leading to unexplained anger (a major red flag for burnout).
The Script Flip: Practice the "Empowerment Script." Trust that the people in your life—employees and partners alike—are capable adults who can own their part of the relationship.
3. The "Scarcity of Attention" Script
We talked about "manifesting" on the show, not as magic, but as a quality of attention. Our brains have a biological negativity bias; we are wired to see what is wrong.
The Professional Risk: You only notice your co-founder's mistakes, creating a culture of defensiveness.
The Romantic Risk: On Valentine’s Day, you focus on the one thing your partner didn't do, ignoring the thousand ways they show up daily.
The Script Flip: Expand your lens. Use your "Inner Curator" to intentionally focus on what is going well. Gratitude isn't just a "soft skill"—it's the foundation of a high-functioning ecosystem.
The Goal: Sustainable Connection
Whether you’re leading a startup in Tokyo or navigating a complex family dynamic, the goal is the same: Sustainability. You cannot lead, love, or build if your physical and emotional systems are red-lining.
As I told Lee at the end of our session, the best relationship you can invest in this year is the one with yourself. When you rewrite your internal scripts, you give everyone around you permission to do the same.
Ready to unblock your potential?
Watch the full episode: For more on identifying your scripts and recognizing the signs of burnout, check out my interview on the Produck Podcast here.
Meet me in person: I’m often at Tokyo Innovation Base, come by for a chat!
Go deeper: If you’re ready to talk discovering and re-writing your scripts, reach out to discover what working with me could change for you.
