You Don’t Have to Fake It ‘til You Make It
We’ve all heard the advice: "Fake it 'til you make it."
Faking it ‘til you make it as a reframing tool— good as a stopgap, but it’s possible to shift your feelings too.
It’s shared with the best intentions. It’s meant to be a lifeline for anyone feeling the paralyzing grip of imposter anxiety or the fear of a new challenge. The idea is to project confidence you don’t yet feel, acting the part until your body recognizes it as reality. As a short term, emergency solution, faking it can be helpful.
But it’s built on a shaky foundation. Not only is it mentally exhausting, but it actively works against the very thing we’re all trying to build: genuine, sustainable confidence.
Faking it reinforces the belief that you are, in fact, an imposter. It asks you to wear a mask, creating a constant, low-grade anxiety that you’ll be "found out." Instead of empowering you, it tethers you to a feeling of fraudulence. It can also normalize and reinforce traditional stereotypes and power structures.
There is a better, more powerful, and more authentic way forward. It’s not about faking it. It’s about discovering, developing, and embodying your inherent strengths.
The Problem with "Faking It"
Before we explore the alternative, let's break down why "faking it" is such a flawed strategy:
It Fuels Imposter Anxiety (also called Imposter Syndrome): When you attribute your successes to "faking it," you don’t internalize them. You might think, "I only got through that presentation because I pretended to be confident." This prevents you from building a true sense of competence.
It's Exhausting: Maintaining a facade takes an incredible amount of energy. That energy could be channeled into learning, practicing, and actual growth. Burnout becomes a real risk when you’re constantly performing.
It Prevents Genuine Connection: People are perceptive. They can often sense when someone is being inauthentic. True leadership and collaboration are built on trust, and trust requires authenticity.
The Alternative: Discover, Develop, Embody
Standing out by being real: Authentic confidence shines brighter than a mask of pretense.
Instead of building your confidence on shaky ground, let’s build it on the bedrock of who you truly are. This process is a simple but transformative loop.
1. Discover Your Strengths
You can’t embody what you don’t know. The first step is to get radically honest about what you’re already good at. Forget the job description for a moment and ask yourself:
What activities give me energy?
What skills come naturally to me, even if I take them for granted?
What do friends or colleagues consistently praise me for?
Maybe you’re not yet a polished public speaker, but you are an exceptional researcher. Maybe you’re not a natural networker, but you excel at building deep, one-on-one relationships. These are strengths to be leveraged.
2. Develop with Intention
Where "faking it" encourages you to pretend you have a skill, this approach encourages you to be honest about your growth edge. It’s the difference between saying "I am a fantastic public speaker" (when you’re terrified) and saying, "I am in the process of becoming a more effective public speaker."
This reframe is crucial. It’s not a lie; it’s a statement of intent. It allows you to be a beginner. It gives you permission to practice, to ask for help, and to learn. Instead of faking an outcome, you are authentically engaging in the process.
Focus on one or two areas for growth that align with your goals. Find a mentor, take a course, or just practice in low-stakes environments.
3. Embody Your Progress
Embodiment is where the magic happens. It’s the process of integrating your strengths and newly developed skills until they feel like a natural part of you.
This isn’t about putting on a "confidence costume." It's about stepping into situations anchored in your real abilities.
Before a big presentation: Instead of faking confidence, anchor yourself in your strength. Remind yourself, "I know this material inside and out because I am a great researcher."
Walking into a networking event: Instead of pretending to be an extrovert, lean into your strength. Set a goal: "I am great at deep conversations, so I will find two people to have a meaningful chat with."
Confidence is the natural byproduct of competence. Every time you lean on a real strength or practice a developing skill, you are casting a vote for your own capability. You are no longer "faking it"; you are becoming it.
You Don't Have to Fake It to Make It
Success doesn't require you to be someone you're not. It asks you to become the most authentic and effective version of yourself.
Start with who you are. Identify your strengths, develop your skills with honest intention, and embody your potential one step at a time. That is how you build confidence that no one can take away from you. That is how you don't just make it—you thrive.
Struggling to Overcome Imposter Anxiety?
Get in touch with me today to discuss your situation and how we might work together to get you to a better place.
